Teetering on the edge

Toilet analogies and refinding rhythm

Over the past weeks, life in my corner of the world has been feeling very urgent and full. The dreaded 3am wakings have been more frequent (iykyk) and I find myself lying in the darkness making endless lists, not quite mustering the energy to get up and write anything down before I eventually drift back to sleep.

My nocturnal list-making is one of the signs I’m heading towards the edges of my capacity and I’ve crept into the old and well-worn habit of ‘doing’ way more than taking time for integration and rest. It hasn’t felt good but I’m glad my awareness has caught me (again)

The steps to ‘too much’

It can be a tricky and insidious thing when we’re edging towards our capacity. There’s a certain amount of enjoyment that comes from the knowledge that we’re spinning all the plates. It can feel wonderful to be ‘doing all the things’ (hello adrenalin and cortisol) but all too often it sneakily teeters over into the realm of ‘too much’ and then we’re lying in bed at 3am wondering how we got here.

We can be ever so adept at overriding our limits - telling ourselves 'it's not that bad' or 'I should be able to cope' or 'other people have it worse, just get on with it'. Newsflash - this isn’t helpful; it's just gaslighting yourself.

Often the need to keep pushing forward comes from a very primal survival response. When we’re in fight, flight and freeze, we’re very efficient at overriding our needs. Slowing down feels like a threat to our system, and it’s safer to keep pushing forward.

The ‘work more and harder’ message is drummed into us from birth and doing something different to that can feel very scary. If we also add in the fact that our self-worth is often tied to productivity, what we ‘do’ and how much we do it - taking adequate rest periods can feel almost impossible.

As a long-term life plan, not getting enough rest isn’t sustainable. When we continuously maintain a rhythm of doing more than resting, we’re extracting from the energy reserves of our body - a finite resource.

We need to rest as much as we ‘do’
It’s the rhythm of nature, and we are nature.

I imagine that most of us want to feel vibrant and filled with energy for doing the things we love, that bring us enjoyment and the things we value. The reality is, in order to grow our capacity for doing those things (and all things), we need to understand that we don’t get there by doing ‘too much’ all the time.

The toilet analogy

So, we know that one of the myriad reasons we experience stress, burnout, exhaustion and overwhelm is due to our rest periods being far too short or non-existent. Quite simply, we’re not allowing our batteries to fully recharge before using them again.

Excuse me while I use a toilet analogy to explain this better:

You can think of an inadequate rest period as trying to flush a toilet before the tank has fully filled again.

It’s possible to force the flush but it won’t be as effective and you’ll probably be left with some shit to deal with :)

Constant overexertion (doing without adequate rest) means our systems become brittle and prone to collapse. There’s simply not enough energy in the tank if we keep forcing past our biological needs.

The most beneficial rhythm is one that encourages ease through periods of doing and then periods of adequate rest. This is how we build resilience & capacity.

The opposite is also true

We deplete our resilience and capacity when we override our basic needs and don't take adequate rest and recovery from day-to-day (or hour to hour) stressors.

If there could be a ‘goal’ (urgh I used the ‘g’ word), it would be to encourage ourselves to ride the waves of our energy, impulse and pleasure in both doing and rest so that we allow our system to operate efficiently and we get recharged - the full flush!

This doesn’t mean we have to constantly live in the slow lane, never exerting ourselves and it also doesn’t mean we avoid stressors but instead we do the things we want/have/enjoy to do, but on the other side of that we take adequate rest.

We want it to look more like this ⬇️

The full flush means we can go all in on the doing, but once complete we also need to go all in on the non-doing. We are rhythmical, cyclical beings, we need to be maintain a tempo of ‘on’ and ‘off’ in equal amounts or we suffer the consequences.

So here’s to reminding myself that in order to be a well-resourced human that doesn’t wake up at 3am making endless and anxiety-fuelled lists I need to offer myself the grace of the full flush.

Engaging in rest periods that actually feel restful, not snatching tiny moments in between ever more doing. I fear it’s a lifelong lesson that needs to learned and relearned as we disentangle ourselves from the dying clutches of late-stage capitalism and its insidious drumbeat of do more. do more. do more.

I’d love to know what you think of the toilet analogy and if it feels helpful for you ;)

And if you’d like to consider all the ways that you might be able to encourage more rest into your life (hint: it’s not just taking a nap) you might want to check out the podcast episode I recorded with the wonderful Sarah Robertson back in September last year. We had a lovely conversation about staying buoyant in moments of challenge and the framework of the 7 types of rest.

Staying buoyant with Sara Duigou

Things you might be interested in:

• I offer 1-1 somatic coaching for brilliant and big-hearted humans who want to reconnect with their body and experience more self-trust, increased capacity and a renewed sense of possibility. Book a discovery call or read more HERE

• If you enjoy the practices I share here you might want to sign up to Moments of Connection: 30 recordings and daily journal prompts to edge you towards greater body connection for €30 HERE

• My seasonal membership also called Reclaiming Home will be open again in May - you can join the waitlist HERE

• You can follow me on Instagram HERE

PS: If you enjoyed this post you can read more about rest and rhythmicity here ⬇️