Hello, I’m Sara. I write about mindfulness & somatics and understanding the ways we can be alongside our messy and beautiful human-ness. Subscribe to support my work and join our Reclaiming Home community to access all content and monthly Slowdown Sessions (starting this month)
I’ve recently started running again. My body’s been craving a place where I can test myself a little and remember the strength of my heart.
I have an app that tells me how far I’m going and offers prompts to consider as I run. I find it soothing and maybe more importantly, distracting to have a small encouraging voice in my ear asking me questions. I breathily speak the answers out loud reminding myself I’m still here and capable of thinking and doing as I put one foot in front of the other.
Last week I was attempting my first incredibly slow and laborious hill run. As everything in my body suggested I should stop; lungs hot and legs oh so heavy, the voice in my ear asked me a question:
‘what is it that you’re running towards and what word symbolises that for you?
In that moment one word came in loud and direct and it wasn’t a word that I liked at all, in fact, I disliked it a lot:
‘endurance’
My quick-to-dismiss brain went something like this:
“Of course it’s endurance - this is hard, you’re finding this hard”
And then “I don’t want to have to endure anything, I’m done with endurance, I want easy”
And also “endurance doesn’t sound very sexy , surely there’s something else you can think of”
I ran more and chewed over other words—'empowerment,' 'ease,' 'joy'—but none quite captured what I was feeling. My go-to ‘feel good’ words didn’t quite fit.
The more I tried to think of other possibilities the stronger ‘endurance’ got. I put it out of my mind and continued the run.
Later that day in a conversation with a dear friend we laughed at how shitty the word endurance was - aren’t we enduring enough?! Why on earth do we need more endurance?!
Over the last week, I’ve ruminated on the word endurance. It’s come with me on more runs, it’s joined me as I help my neuro-spicey eldest with his homework. It’s been on my mind as I’ve had hard conversations with family members about their declining health. It’s sat with me as I scroll through the endless images of environmental devastation and countless genocides. And I’m left with these thoughts:
We need endurance.
Endurance for parenting our children and navigating their ever-changing needs.
Endurance for holding the weight of ageing parents, loved ones and the many facets of adulthood.
Endurance for the energy we need to keep putting one foot in front of the other when it feels like the world is crumbling.
We need the endurance of hope for our vision of the world and for those enduring genocide every day.
We need endurance to keep the dream alive that things can change.
We need endurance because we’re in this for the long haul.
As I was writing this note to you I heard this from Soladarling:
“Revolution is a process of consistent resistance and renewal of world ending and world-building that we commit to every single day...it’s a daily commitment to opting out of, tearing down, and imagining beyond the systems of oppression that are killing us”
For me, this moment is all about endurance. Whether we’re considering personal or collective revolution - it’s a daily commitment to care for ourselves and each other, and one that doesn’t always fall under the umbrella of ‘easeful’ or ‘joyful’.
On deeper reflection, my knee-jerk rejection to endurance came from a very valid place, I’ve been burned by my ability to endure. I learned from an early age to force and push myself through hard things. An ability that led to a full-on burnout in my late 30’s and a long slow recovery.
But awareness is key. I used to be blind to how much I could force myself beyond my capacity. But endurance doesn’t always mean working ourselves to the bone and ignoring the stop signs. It can also be the fire in our belly, the place where we feel contact with life’s spark, the fuel we need to act.
I want to remind myself that endurance is also about holding steady. Endurance got me through my burnout in the end. The commitment I had to take small steps each day fortified my inner strength and helped me understand that I have the capacity to look after myself and others. My endurance can create a structure that I can lean into instead of a prison, so I can keep putting one foot in front of the other.
My ability to endure doesn’t have to push me over the edge, it can also make me stronger.
And so, as I lace up my shoes for another run, I’m not full of resistance to the word 'endurance.' Instead, I’m bringing it with me to offer the strength that allows me to show up, again and again, for the long road ahead.
If you have any questions or reflections on the topic of endurance or anything else I share here I LOVE to hear them, feel free to send me an email by hitting reply (if I’m in your inbox) or leave a comment below 👇
With love
Sara x
A gentle reminder - I’ve opened the doors to my group course Tend. If you’d like to find ways to stay close to yourself when life gets full and your endurance is tested then Tend might just be the place for you. Over six weeks we’ll explore the landscape of tending to ourselves in a world that loves to pull us away from our centre.
We’ll focus on how to fortify our inner soil to regain strength, enjoyment and connection (to our body, each other and the earth). You’ll learn somatic skills ranging from the foundational to the advanced that’ll enable you to better meet the challenges of our times. I’d love to have you join me on this journey - you can find out more HERE.
I love the idea of endurance. I think it’s quite fitting for the phase of life I find myself in. I’m also leaning towards simplicity but I don’t know if that goes hand in hand with endurance? I also want to run again…I so want to run 💛