In support of disconnection

Practice : Being with what is

I've been tiptoeing around myself. I notice that I’m dancing on my edges. I feel it when I’m moving—my body going through the motions.

For a long time, I’ve used movement as a gateway to meet the more hidden parts of myself. Sometimes, this means creating space to tenderly sit alongside emotions, memories, or sensations; and sometimes, it’s an awareness that what’s there is numbness and disconnection.

Unfortunately, I’ve often treated it like there’s some kind of somatic hierarchy. I feel more confident with how to move the energy that comes with the flush of anger or the belly flip of anxiety. But when all I notice is that I’m feeling numb, distracted and disconnected, I still have to remind myself that it’s ok.

In a world where embodiment is the buzziest of buzzwords, being disconnected, a bit numb, or ‘not in our body’ seems to be something to avoid or fix as soon as possible.

In support of disconnection:

With feelings, we’re encouraged to be more comfortable with the intense end of the spectrum. Whether it’s unbounded joy or deep sadness, both seem preferable to not feeling or being a bit numb.

But disconnection and disembodiment are also healthy responses and I would offer that getting more friendly with the ‘non-feeling’ side of feelings can be a helpful thing to do.

Often disconnection arrives when our system is feeling overwhelmed. When we’re feeling a bit freezy or noticing the inability to feel it's because our clever brains and bodies are trying hard to process something in the background and they’re using up quite a bit of energy.

We may try and coerce ourselves out of this state into something that feels more manageable, but if we can move away from trying to fix the disconnection we might notice what it’s asking of us. (spoiler it’s usually to do a little less)

Disconnection doesn’t want to be forced. I liken it to when my laptop crashes and the spinning wheel of doom arrives. I can’t help it process its problems quicker, I just need to let it do its thing, or turn it off completely and leave it alone for a bit.

Our clever bodies are the same. Numbness & disconnection pull us to a comfortable distance from ourselves so we too can ‘turn off’ for a bit to integrate and recalibrate.

Feeling disconnected is still a doorway to self-enquiry, just a quieter one.

So how do we become more comfortable with non-feeling states? And how can we support ourselves in doing less so our system can have its much-needed integration time?

Essentially we’re looking for ways to ‘zone out’ in a way that still feels comfortable & supportive. Maybe it’s as simple as allowing yourself to stare out of the window, it could be putting on your favourite TV show, taking a gentle walk, or wrapping up in a blanket.

I’m aware this could feel counterintuitive. We’re taught that to solve a problem we have to DO something, but we can’t force our body and brain into feeling. And if we do we’re overriding our clever natural intelligence that wants to take things slooow.

By doing less and and allowing the feeling to be there we’re encouraging our body to recognise that disconnection is still safe. Effectively we’re allowing ourselves to be the midwife to its energy so the feeling state can serve its purpose—allowing integration time—before gracefully shifting.

So the next time you’re feeling numbed out or not in your body give yourself a big dose of compassion and ask yourself what non-doing things you can do and see if you can find more ease in doing less.

Being with what is - a practice

This short mindfulness exercise asks us to listen to ourselves as we would a dear friend and consider the questions “How do I feel?” and “What do I need?” 

This is an invitation to meet yourself exactly where you are without expectation.

Below are some gentle prompts :

• Often when we first engage with this practice, there can be some conflicting inner dialogue around what we need or what we notice. I encourage you to bring a hefty dose of compassion to this practice of listening. Whatever you encounter see how it feels to offer the question: What is this feeling asking of in this moment? and follow what comes up.

• You might want to try this practice at the start and end of each day as a way to offer yourself presence and to encourage listening to what you need with unfiltered honesty. 

I’d love to know what your relationship is with feeling ‘not in your body’. And if you play with the practice let me know how it goes ❤️